It was the best of times...

...and yes, it was the worst of times! Honestly, sometimes you feel like you're on top of the world - nothing could possibly go wrong. But inevitably, you know a time will soon come when the world will be on top of you (and my is that world a heavy weight to carry)! And although you know it is inevitable when you're on top, you still feel it is impossible.

This weekend the world was definitely on top of me! Late Friday night, the apartment we were supposed to be moving into fell through. The back up option that the landlord gave us might just be an infinitely better option except for the fact that it's a fifth floor walk-up with no laundry in the building (I know, I've been spoiled in my NYC apartments thus far) AND she couldn't promise it to us (still awaiting word). I hate the feeling of not knowing where we'll be on Wednesday - the only sure thing is that we HAVE to be out of our apartment by end of day Wednesday so the new tenant can move in on Thursday. Instead of spending all weekend packing, we went back and forth between packing and looking at apartments (which yielded NO fruits). I know, I'm a total whiner. It could be worse, right? I mean it was slightly over three years ago that I lived among those who had no running water, two outfits to wear (that they took turns washing in the river), days where they couldn't afford food and lived off of whatever fruit fell from trees around them (whether edible or not), no formal education...the list could go on. And here I am complaining about the possibility of having to walk up and down five flights of stairs countless times a day and walk my laundry to the laundromat on the corner and then haul it back up the stairs. Or the possibility of having to put all of our stuff in storage and stay in a hotel or with someone else (what about a cardboard box on the street? People do it here all the time). I mean, really, perspective Kris, perspective! These can be my "pioneer" stories that my great grandchildren will be telling of me! And let's be honest, the downside of the apartment is at least a health benefit for all of us (definite help in losing baby weight)! But the question still remains if it's ours or not. Apartment situation aside, the weekend was still just a tough one - stress levels in our apartment were at a high and for those of you that know Brett or me are well aware of what happens at those stress levels! We made ourselves miserable! And to top that off, where has all my energy gone? I always figured I'd be the invincible pregnant one - no morning sickness, no aches and pains, all the energy in the world. And though this second trimester has brought more energy, I'm still a lot more tired than I ever used to be. So I had to kiss those late nights of packing til 2am goodbye and tuck myself in for the night at 10:30. I also had to look away from the mirrors. This having no control of gaining weight thing is just not conducive to my obsessive 'need to be in control' nature.

I am grateful, however, that through all of this there are shining moments that give you the strength to keep fighting. Like Friday, for example...what moment could be better than sitting together watching your little one moving around inside of you and finding out that a little baby GIRL is headed your way?!?! Or having 5 smiling kids in seminary this morning (and that's a lot to ask of teenagers at 6:30am) and sharing a fabulous 45 minutes with them talking about Proverbs. Or getting a phone call from your husband and hearing him admit that maybe you were right. Or laughing hysterically with Adrienne on the phone because she thought you said 'hold on' and you thought she said the same and subsequently sitting in silence for a minute for no reason at all! It's absolutely crazy that life can be so bitter and yet so sweet all at the same time. And boy am I ever grateful for the "sweet" moments - and there are many! No fear though, I plan to be back on top of the world very soon...